Guest Blogger: Dr. Nelly Cardinale's Dissertation Defense Story

Earlier this year, I attended a dissertation defense for a classmate in my doctoral program.  I was curious about what it would be like when I get to that stage.  Since I am not there yet, I am always excited for anyone in a doctoral program who has scheduled a defense because that means they are almost done!  I know that last step still has to be overcome and from a distance it seems scary, but then again, we sometimes fear what we don’t know much about.  The defense I attended was actually very interesting and definitely not scary.  I will make it my mission to attend a few dissertation defenses and ask some of my colleagues about their experiences to be as prepared as possible and actually look forward to it.  One new friend has graciously agreed to share her defense day story on my blog and I am so grateful to her.  I think the more we hear about these stories, the less scary they become and then they are just another step in the process to become Doctora. What struck me most about her story is the support that her fellow doctoral students gave her, proving how important peer support is for this doctoral journey.

I am proud of Dr. Nelly Cardinale who is also featured in the Galeria de Doctoras Latinas in case you want to learn more about her.  I hope you enjoy her wonderful story:

My Dissertation Defense Day by Dr. Nelly Cardinale

Nelly Cardinale at Northeaster University 
ready for her dissertation defense!

I woke up feeling very nervous on June 10th, 2013. I intended to fly to Boston that day because I was scheduled to defend my dissertation at Northeastern University the next day. A doctoral student friend who lives in the Boston area came to pick me up at the airport, took me out to dinner, shopping for new sunglasses and then drove me to my hotel. She then took me to the drug store when I noticed that I forgot to pack my makeup. Lucky for me, the drug store had the colors I needed. She wished me luck during the defense and left. She, along with many other people logged in to watch my defense live the next day as it was live-streamed.

Later that night at around 9:00pm, another doctoral student friend who had driven to Boston earlier from Vermont and was currently at the university library working on a doctoral class assignment texted me. As preplanned, she checked into the same hotel that I was in with the intention of spending the dissertation day with me and offering me moral support during the defense stage. She quickly came down to my room to meet me in person for the first time.
It was great meeting her since we had become online friends from the time I was waiting for an admission decision from Northeastern University. It turns out that we both started the doctoral program at the same time and in the same class. Since then, we have been good friends and classmates in a few other classes together. We talked for a while and agreed to meet the next morning.

The next day, we met at around 10:00am and had a quick breakfast. We returned to our hotel rooms to rest for a while. I wanted to change clothing and put on the new attire that I bought for the event. After, we drove to the university, walked around, took pictures in front of different buildings and looked for the building where the defense would take place. We also visited the college bookstore and bought some college gear. The defense was scheduled for 1:00pm. I was getting very nervous and did not want to eat lunch before the defense, as I felt that I would get an upset stomach.
Finally, we found out that the defense building was located off the main campus. Therefore, we left the main campus and headed for the defense location. Just before I was about to walk inside the building, a tourist asked us for directions. The man turned out to be a Methodist minister who was visiting from Washington DC. Coincidently, my friend just happened to also practice the same religion and quickly told him that I was about to become a doctor. Surprisingly, he stated that if this was the case, then I needed a blessing and gave me one right then and there. This raised my confidence level and eased my anxiety.

My friend and I walked into the defense room and met my advisor and second reader for the first time. I had seen them during summer residency sessions but never introduced myself before. I used my advisor's computer to project the PowerPoint defense presentation. The system used to live-stream the defense was the GOTOMEETING platform. This system allows many online people to participate in the meeting. The system also allowed the third member of my committee to attend my defense remotely from Pennsylvania. As preplanned, two other doctoral student friends who live in the Boston area arrived in person in order to provide additional moral support during the process. Many other doctoral students in the program, as well as my husband and sons, also logged in to watch my defense live.

I was allowed 20 minutes to present what my dissertation was about. Afterwards, the second and third readers took turns asking me questions about my study for the next 40 minutes. However, they ran out of questions before their allotted time and then my advisor asked the audience if they had questions. One of my friends inside the defense room did have a few questions for me. My advisor was not allowed to ask any questions during the defense. After the hour was up, my friends and I were asked to leave the room and all online viewers except for the third member of my committee were disconnected. The committee would meet in private for around 10 minutes to discuss my fate. The local Boston friends hugged me, wished me luck and left.

My friend from Vermont and I started to pace the hallway the way expectant fathers do. I was really feeling nervous and was not sure what would happen next. Finally, my advisor opened the door and called me back in. She stated that she had good news: I had passed my defense and was now a new doctor! I was so happy. I hugged my advisor and the second reader and asked if I can take pictures with them.

My friend and I went out to eat lunch, but again I was just so emotional that I decided to only have a drink to celebrate. She then walked me to the nearest metro station where we both rode a train to the airport. We hugged and said our goodbyes.

When I returned to Florida, my husband and sons had a surprise for me. It was a delicious chocolate cake that said, "Congratulations Dr. Mom".

The Courage to Restart and Recommit

Cindy and Winston's Wedding Day ~ July 2013

Recently, I had the privilege of attending my sister Cindy’s second wedding.  I watched the ceremony with deep admiration for my sister’s courage to restart and recommit to marriage.  I am also proud of her because she is about to begin a new educational journey in a Ph.D. program in Urban Education at the CUNY Graduate Center. Committing to all of these new beginnings, she is very courageous indeed. 

These new milestones my sister is experiencing made me reflect on my stops and starts with many of my life happenings, especially my dissertation.  I remember having moments when I said to myself, “I quit!” and moved on with my life free of the thought of an unfinished Ph.D.  As David Madsen quips in his helpful book, Successful Dissertations and Theses, I would be joining the “Shubert Society,” a reference to the composer’s Symphony No. 8in B Minor, the “Unfinished.”

I actually thought quitting would be easy, but as it turned out, that was not the case. I had daily thoughts nagging away at me: Am I really going to walk away from this lifelong goal? What about all those classes I took, pages read, assignments completed and comprehensive exams passed? Did I really want to be another ABD?

I even went as far as to consider what being ABD would look like on my resume: Would it signal to potential employers that I am a quitter or that I don’t know how to finish what I started? Do I just leave it off altogether?

Last year I took a deep breath and I made a major decision.  I decided, no, I did not want to continue being ABD.  So what did I do?  I mustered up the courage, energy and determination to restart and recommit to working on the dissertation, the last step in the doctoral process. Since then, the revisions and updates have felt like ongoing restarts as I continue to get feedback and narrow my topic to a “doable” scope.  This is not an easy task, but what keeps me going is regularly meeting some amazing Doctoras Latinas who remind me it is DOABLE!

Today I celebrate my sister and her husband's union and I wish them a life of love and happiness as they blend their beautiful families.  I also celebrate myself and anyone else who is struggling with the doctoral process.  It is clear to me from the Facebook group of Latinas Completing Doctoral Degrees (www.facebook.com/groups/LatinasCompletingDoctoralDegrees) that there are plenty of Latinas who are not only moving through the process, but have actually earned the degree.  This is inspiring for us all and I hope this network will continue to support each other.  I keep in my mind the words that my colleague and fellow Latina doctoral student, Omayra Arocho, signed off on a recent email, “Pa' Lante!”

Ordinary Workday, Extraordinary Encounter

Justice Sonia Sotomayor and Sofia Bautista Pertuz at Fordham University

Last week I had an extraordinary encounter on an ordinary workday. As I was walking from my office to the restroom, one of my colleagues stopped me to ask if I knew that Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor was in the building where I work. In disbelief I ran to the location and asked if I could meet her. It was one of the most marvelous few minutes of my life. Not since meeting Mother Teresa as a teenager, have I met someone who has so profoundly inspired so many people by her leadership. This was an exciting opportunity to tell her in person how much I loved her book, My Beloved World.  One of my favorite lines right at the beginning in her preface highlights what a humble leader Justice Sotomayor is when she explains the measure of vulnerability that comes with her choice to share intimately about her personal life: “There are hazards to openness, but they seem minor compared with the possibility that some readers may find comfort, perhaps even inspiration, from a close examination of how an ordinary person, with strengths and weaknesses like anyone else, has managed an extraordinary journey.”

So what does this have to do with my dissertation and Latinas completing doctoral degrees? Not much, except that not so long ago, I was upset with myself for taking precious time away from dissertation reading to read her book. The guilt was tremendous, but I needed some inspiration and I found it in her memoir, which really turns out to be a leadership book if you read carefully and find the golden nuggets of life lessons in her personal and professional journey.  This shows that sometimes it's okay to take a break and read something else that inspires you beyond the articles you read for your own writing. Her life lessons and commentary about academia especially, were just as useful, gave me as much motivation and was time well spent.

So yes, I did tell her that I was working on my dissertation and that I was a doctoral student in addition to being a higher education administrator.  She was very encouraging and supportive.  However, now that I told her that I was going to finish and earn my doctorate, this means I have to do exactly that.  If I don’t, then I would feel like I was lying to her and you do not lie to a Supreme Court Justice, or any judge for that matter.  Wouldn’t that be like perjury?  I know that we were not in the court of law, but I'm going to just pretend that if I don't finish, then I would be guilty of perjury and no one wants to be accused of that, especially not me. 

      

Therefore, I will continue my journey with hard work as Justice Sotomayor put in to get where she is and with the support of my network and community that I appreciate so much.  That was a big key to her success that she constantly stressed in her book – the people who helped her along the way to get where is she is right now.  I hope the Facebook group I started recently helps to create this much needed network for all Latinas in this journey to consider, complete, or celebrate doctoral degrees:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/LatinasCompletingDoctoralDegrees/

I am a proud (and working on being a wise) Latina!

Perseverance, Sacrificios and Gratitude to Turkey (the Country)

Sofia by the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, Turkey

     As I packed recently for a ten day trip to Turkey, I dedicated one carry-on bag to a few (okay, maybe more than a few) books I needed to read for my dissertation literature review. My husband looked at me incredulously and asked, “are you really going to read those on this trip?” I said, “of course!” I was actually not sure, but I put the intention out in the universe hoping I would find the motivation and energy.

     It was an amazing cross-county excursion with jam-packed days of touring major sights in Istanbul, Izmir, Cappadocia, Konya, Ephesus, and Urfa and yet, at the end of each day and long van rides, somehow I did find the energy to focus for a bit to read and write.  One very opportune day came when we took a 10 hour bus ride that was supposed to be 7 hours.  I knew this was one occasion when I would have no choice but to sit for hours. In her excellent book Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day, Joan Bolker shared that when she worked at Harvard’s Writing Center they joked “that the single most useful piece of equipment for a writer was a bucket of glue. First you spread some on your chair, and then you sit down.”  What better glue than to be on a moving bus for hours?

     Although some of my travel companions were not happy about this long ride, I was ecstatic! When you have a busy work and home life with 2 small children and an aging parent to attend to, there is no such thing as being able to sit for so many hours.  I am grateful to Turkey for not only giving me the best 10 hour sit down and focus opportunity, but also for the amazing food, historical perspective and an eye opening experience that proved to me that there is no such thing as “mainstream media” reporting only violence and protests in Turkey and not the regular, friendly, and peaceful day to day life that I actually experienced.  Sometimes you need to get out of your comfort zone, travel and see things for yourself.  I came back to the U.S. a better person with inspiration and many more pages toward a dissertation completed.

     So in my terrible Turkish accent, “Türkiye Teşekkür ederim!”  - translation: “Thank You Turkey!”

“Que Bien”: Why My Father Would Say This Dissertation is Not a Big Deal

Whenever my siblings and I brought home A's and awards my late father usually had only 2 words of acknowledgment: "que bien." Translation:"that's good, but not really a big deal." I used to be puzzled and frustrated about this lackluster response because I would watch my friends get so much enthusiasm, praise and sometimes money for their achievements. Well that was not going to happen in our household. Aside from us not having any extra money for that, my father and my mother had high expectations for us and when we met them, they let us know our achievements were their own reward. It took me a while to learn that they were teaching us self-efficacy. As Ron Alsop shared in his book Trophy Kids Grow Up, these days it seems like kids are getting trophies for just showing up, which was definitely not enough in the Bautista home.

When I was in high school I remember seeing someone’s name with a Ph.D. at the end and I asked one of my teachers what that meant.  She said something about that being a set of letters someone gets when they have reached the highest level of education in an area of study. The way she said it also told me that this person was also well regarded and respected. I decided then that I wanted to be all of those things some day, so getting a doctorate became a definite goal to be achieved. There was nothing about that notion that seemed implausible for me. I think my parents instilled in me that kind of high expectation.  I should be able to do what I want as long as I work hard and follow the necessary steps. 

So here I am in the final step of earning those letters.  Set high expectations for yourself and meet them.  No big deal, right?  Well…I wish it was that easy.  No matter how strong your foundation is sometimes there are other forces that try to interfere with your dreams:

• the strange looks from those who seem to be surprised that a Latina is working on getting a doctorate, as if somehow the idea of Latinas and Ph.D.s don’t seem to match
• the bleak statistics that in 2006-2007 only 3.8 % of Latinas have earned doctorates compared to 61.9% of White women (source: http://www.denvergov.org/Portals/713/documents/LatinaUnderrep.pdf )
• and finally, your own “stuff” and self-doubt that creeps in when you see others who seem to achieve this goal effortlessly (and quickly)

So for Father's Day, I honor my father’s memory by remembering the wonderful ways that he influenced me and my siblings. Although he left us too soon, he left behind 7 confident, capable and high achieving individuals who are positively contributing to society in a variety of ways and will continue to do so.

I will also keep reminding myself that this dissertation is NOT A BIG DEAL. It’s just another step towards earning my doctorate that requires hard work and dedication. I often imagine my dad smiling down from the heavens at my graduation saying, “que bien.” He would expect nothing less from one of his Bautista girls.

Te quiero y te extraño Papi...

Dissertation Motivation from the Mouths of Babes: By Guest Bloggers Ariana and Joaquin

Joaquin, Sofia and Ariana at the Park - Photo by Antonio Pertuz, www.latinationdesigns.com

I sometimes have to tell my two small children Ariana, age 9 and Joaquin, age 5 that Mami can’t play with them because she is working on her dissertation. The first question my daughter asked was, “what is a discommunication?” I think at first she was just trying to get the word “dissertation” right, but now we joke around about this “discommunication” which seems to fit better than “dissertation,” especially on some days when I feel cut off from regular communications.

Saying no to my children can be so difficult because I then feel selfish or like I’m missing out. But then I think about how much our family lives will improve when I do earn my doctorate. I also remember that it’s better to be a role model for my children and show them that you can achieve your dreams if you work hard for them and persevere. The biggest lesson of all for me and for them is that there will be moments you have to make difficult choices and sacrifice one thing for another.

So this blog entry is dedicated to my two children Ariana and Joaquin. I invited them to be my guest bloggers. Ariana, the eldest had her first taste of qualitative research when she interviewed her brother to get his answers to the questions I posed to her. Below they share their perspectives on missing out on play time with their Mami, finishing what you started and achieving your dreams.

What does it feel like when Mami says no, she can’t play because she is working on her dissertation?
ARIANA: When my mom tells us that she can’t do something for us, it makes me feel a little upset, but I know that she needs to get her work done in order to graduate. And also, we both get a little something out of our mom’s dissertation too. Sometimes our mom pays us to help her with her work when I help her sort her papers and make labels with the labelmaker. Since I am older than Joaquin, I get to do things that would earn me more money like write down the names of authors on a sheet of paper! 
JOAQUIN: I feel sad because Mami has to work and we want her to play with us. 

Why is it important that you finish something that you start?
ARIANA: It is always important to finish something that you start so that you can get it out of the way. When you have to do something that you don’t want to do, then you should just do it early instead of waiting until the last minute because at the last minute you are rushing to do something that you don’t even want to do. 
JOAQUIN: It is important because when you finish something you feel good about it and proud of yourself. 

How do you think it would feel to achieve a lifelong dream?
ARIANA: I think it would feel awesome to achieve a lifelong dream. My dream is to be a Lego designer. I know this might seem silly, but I LOVE Legos. I would definitely love any Lego set that anyone shows me. Plus, Legos are also educational. They have to do with science and math. Anyway I would love for this dream to come true. 
JOAQUIN: Good. 

Will you call Mami “Dr. Mami” when she is finished?
ARIANA: This will be the shortest response. I’m just warning you. Sometimes I will, but “Dr. Mami’’ will take longer to say than just regular “Mami.” It’s easier and faster to say. 
JOAQUIN: Yes. 

Are you looking forward to going to Mami’s graduation? 
ARIANA: Yes, because in the car on the way to the graduation we can listen to like 2 hours of Radio Disney and Radio Disney plays all the good kids music. Also, I can’t wait to see my mom graduate! It would be fun to be part of an audience to watch my mom. We would yell, “Go Mami!” so that she can hear us from the audience. 
JOAQUIN: Yes, because I want to be happy and if I go there I would be happy. Mami would be happy too.

Curiosity Killed the Dissertation

By the time you get to the dissertation stage of a doctoral program it’s probably safe to say that you love research and discovering new knowledge.  You develop a wonderful curiosity that causes you to want to know more about the details and intricacies of a particular subject matter.  It’s a beautiful thing that gets you through your doctoral program, but….that same curiosity is what can kill the dissertation.  

This is what it looks like: in good faith you sit down to read one of your landmark articles that seems to specifically address the big issues of your topic.  While you’re reading, the author references another author who brought up an even more interesting point.  Now you can’t let that resource get away!  So what do you do?  You open up your web browser on your computer and go to your library page to find that article so that you can “save it for later.”  

But no.  That is not to be. 

You get away from your original article and move to the next one that looks so much more intriguing.  Then while you read that one, the author references yet another thought-provoking, and of course, relevant article referenced (oh no!) who has an even more compelling point to share about your topic. 

Sigh…2 hours later…you just added another 10 articles to your reference list and never got through the first article that you sat down to read.  That’s a shame because guess what?  Your time’s up and you are now disappointed with yourself  because you know you have to get to your nephew’s 2 hour music recital where you better not even think about pulling out your laptop or iPad to try to read that article.   You can’t do that because you would imagine my mother saying "no sea mal educada" - translation, "don't be rude."

So you realize what you did – or didn’t do. You did not get to jot down those quotable notes you were hoping to incorporate into your dissertation.  And the cycle of self-loathing and frustration starts creeping up.  But how do you stop it? Is there a way?  I say yes!

Okay.  This is what I had to do to stop my curiosity from spiraling out of control.  I went to old fashioned pen and paper and SHUT DOWN THE COMPUTER!!!  It had to be done.  My curious nature cannot be trusted and I knew she would sabotage my tidy plan to read and analyze just that one or two articles that I projected would take 1 to 2 hours.   

Sometimes extreme measures need to be taken and you need discipline – not the fun kind like in 50 Shades of Grey, but the kind that needs to be self-inflicted to save that reading (and writing) time. The key is to find ways to stay focused even if you feel like a child being self-disciplined. Hey, you have to do whatever gets you PHINISHED!

Please feel free to comment and share any other ideas you have for developing good dissertation reading and writing discipline.